Let Go Let God

The past few weeks really sucked for me.

It seems that everything I've done in the past two or three weeks has ended up turning out pretty damn lousy.

I have at various times turned here when i didn't have anyone to say what i wanted to say to. And i'm not sure that that's as horrible as it feels. But it feels pretty disappointing. I don't know that even if i talked to more people i would have a solution to this problem. Part of me doubts there's a person in the world i would tell something like that to.

That's not their problem. it's fundamentally mine.

At some point in the past i decided that it was to much to put myself out there.

***

After trying everything to try and “cure” my anxiety,

I now realize that I need to just allow it to try and stop me living. It never will!

Great one week, bad the next, good weeks, bad weeks, but I never complained.

It was awful at times and frustrating and got me down, but I had total faith that this was the process that I needed to go through. Many people refuse to accept this and keep looking for outside things to make it better, that one magic sentence that will make it all go away. I can tell you I completely stopped looking for anything to ‘make it go away’ I realised that this was not where the answer would come from.

At one time I falsely thought that I could think my way better, that I needed to hide away until I had finally ’sorted this this thing out’ What I really needed to do was just live alongside it and stop letting it have such an affect on me, to change my attitude and live alongside it without letting it control my life for me. Instead of letting it stop me living, live and try and let it stop me.

I don't sleep well at night. Nothing move, motivates, or excites me.

I just simply feel so flippin! Worse of all, I have become content with being discontent.

I write this to set the intention of having an overwhelming passion and committment to do something with my life larger than the limitations of my mind and ego.

***

Until I came across this passage in the Bible that really spoke to me.

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Matthew 6:34

To me it is a very simple, but strong message.

I guess all i should/could do now is casting all my anxiety on Him, because He cares for me.